Rules for playing Asshole (87C Style)
Could Asshole be the greatest drinking game ever? Probably not, but it sure has stood the test of time. It's like a warm, booze-soaked blanket that's been with you since you were little. If you're ever feeling sober and you need a structured means of fixing the situation ASAP… Asshole!
- Players sit in a circle.
- All cards (except Jokers) are dealt out, one at a time, around the circle until they are gone. All players will not necessarily end up with the same number of cards.
- You need at least 3 players. Multiple decks can be used and are recommended for games with lots of people. A good guideline is one deck for 3-5 players, two decks for 6-10, three decks for 11-15, etc.
- Players' turns are taken clockwise around the circle.
- To take your turn, you must play an equal or better hand than the player before you.
- If you can't match or beat the previous player's cards, you must skip your turn and take one drink.
- If you are leading (starting the round or playing after the cards have been cleared), you can play anything you want.
- If you play the same card as the player before you, the player after you is skipped and must take a drink.
- You may skip voluntarily for strategic reasons. You are not obligated to play when it is your turn. If you skip, you must take a drink.
- Only the value of cards is considered. The suit doesn't matter.
- To beat the previous players cards, you can:
- Play a card of higher value. If the previous player threw a pair, you must throw at least a pair as well.
- "Doubles beat singles" - If the previous player threw a single card, any pair will beat it. Example: Two 4s will beat one Ace.
- "Triples beat doubles" - If the previous player threw a pair, three cards of the same value will beat it. Example: Three 6s will beat a pair of Kings.
- If four or more cards of the same value are played in order (or all at once), it is a social. The cards are then cleared and the player that caused the social gets to go again.
- If every player around the circle skips after you play and it becomes your turn again, the cards are cleared and you go again. If you are out, the next person leads.
- When a player has played all of their cards, they are out. The rest of the players keep going until only one person (the Asshole) is left.
- Cheat at your own risk. Cheating isn't forbidden, but any player(s) caught cheating must chug an entire (12 oz.) beer.
- 2 - 2s are the most powerful cards in the game. A single 2 will beat anything and, when one is played, the cards are cleared and the player goes again. If you are lucky enough to play all of your cards and are left with only 2s in your hand, you may give them away to any other player who is still in the game. If you have more than one left over, they do not have to go to the same person. If you don't give away your 2s before the next person plays, you have to hold them until your next turn.
- 3 - 3s are used to hand out drinks. As soon as the cards are dealt, any player that has a 3 can give it to any other player. The recipient must take a drink. After they are given out, the 3s are set aside (give them to the Asshole). If you forget to hand out your 3s before the first card is played, you're stuck with them and will have to look for a chance to play them. (Good luck.)
- 4 of Clubs - In the first round only, the person with the 4 of Clubs goes first. If that person has another 4 as well and they don't want to start with a pair, they can play something else. Otherwise, they must throw the 4 of Clubs. With more than one 4 of Clubs (due to multiple decks), any person that has one can go first. It basically comes down to who's more on their toes.
The First Round
For the first round, players can sit in any order. Duties like dealing the cards, clearing the cards and getting more beer are community efforts. The person with the 4 of Clubs starts the game. The only time players drink in this round is for 3s, socials, and skipping/being skipped.
- After the first round, every player will have a rank.
- You are ranked according to when you went out in the previous round. The first player to go out is the President. The second player is the Vice President, etc.
- Players sit in rank order (clockwise from highest to lowest).
- The highest ranked player is the President, the lowest ranked player is the Asshole, for whom our game is named, and the person just above the Asshole in rank is the Beer Bitch. There are many duties and privileges associated with these special positions (see below).
- If rank has already been determined and a new player wishes to enter the game, they must wait for the next round and enter as Asshole.
- All of the positions in between President and Beer Bitch are named as needed (usually Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer for the three players below the President, but can be anything).
- The most important feature of your rank is that you can make anyone below you drink any amount for any reason.
- The Asshole deal's the cards at the beginning of each round. Before dealing, the Asshole must ask the President if he would like to be dealt first or last. Depending on the answer, the Asshole will either deal clockwise, starting with the President, or counterclockwise starting with himself.
- Whenever the cards need to be cleared, the Asshole must clear them. If the cards are not cleared in a timely manner (i.e. immediately), another player may begin counting out loud until the cards are cleared. The Asshole then has to take the number of drinks that the counter reached.
- The Asshole has to wear a special hat. The host of the game should provide the hat, but if one isn't available, part of a beer box will do.
- While the Asshole is dealing, they have absolute power to make anyone drink any amount for any reason. They just have to remember that once the dealing is complete, all other players will have the entire round to retaliate.
(a.k.a. Beer Slut or Vice Asshole)
- If the game is being played correctly, players will be going through beer fairly quickly. It is the Beer Bitch's job to fetch drinks for the other players so they don't have to leave in the middle of the round.
- Pffft! Shut up and get me another beer, bitch.
- Make sure everyone is drinking and kissing your ass.
- The President gets to sit wherever he wants. All other players then have to move so they are sitting in the correct rank order under the President.
- The President chooses whether to be dealt first or last (see Asshole's Duties above).
- The President gets to start each round.
- If a player is President for 3 consecutive rounds, he gets to make a rule.
A rule can be anything really, as long as breaking the rule results in drinking.
Be creative and brutal. Some examples: No using the word "that",
no swearing, no first names, no eye contact. There are also "last person"
type rules, like "last person to put their thumb on the table drinks"
or "last person to put their finger on their nose". When making
the rule, the President can make himself exempt from it, but if so, he must
also specify whether he is personally exempt, or if the sitting President
is exempt. Any rules that are made stay in effect for the rest of the game.
NOTE: You can't do anything humiliating or dangerous that is totally unrelated to the game, otherwise the rule would always be "every time someone says 'the', the girls have to have sex on the table".
Starting the Round
Certain things have to happen before each round. The order can be changed for some of these things.
- The President chooses his seat and everyone else moves to sit according to rank.
- Hey, Beer Bitch. While you're up moving around, see if anyone needs anything.
- The Asshole deals the cards in the direction requested by the President.
- Players with 3s give them out.
- The President gives the Asshole his worst card (any card they want, really) and the Asshole gives the President his best card. The Asshole is not required to break up a pair, triple, etc. to do this. If there are 6 or more players (2+ decks), The President and Asshole exchange two cards and the Vice President and Beer Bitch exchange one. Again, the asshole does not have to break up a triple or higher, but if his two best cards are a pair, the pair must be given.
- The President may call for a waterfall before play begins.
- The President announces his rule, if one can be made.
Drink - Open your mouth and pour! What constitutes a "drink" varies from person to person. It should be bigger than a sip, but smaller than a gulp. Players take their drinks on the honor system for the most part. Allowances can be made if you are playing with wine or liquor. For example: you are allowed to put that shit down and go get a beer.
Skip - When a player does not get to take a turn or chooses not to. Whenever a player skips or gets skipped, he must take a drink.
Clear - Get rid of all the cards that have been played on the table and set them somewhere out of the way.
Out - When you get rid of all your cards, you are "out".
Social - A social is when everyone takes a drink together (usually with a toast, unless you're a prick).
Waterfall - Every player picks up their drink and drinks continuously. You cannot stop drinking until the person above you in rank stops. In other words, the President drinks until he feels like stopping, then the Vice President may choose to stop or continue drinking. Once the Vice President stops, the Secretary can stop or keep going, etc. on down to the Asshole. Because the Asshole has absolute power while dealing, he may opt for a reverse waterfall, but this (like most other forms of suicide) is rare.
Asshole Reflex - When a player is no longer Asshole, but has been conditioned by negative reinforcement and continues to reach for the cards when they need to be cleared. This can even carry over from game to game in severe cases.
Slummin' - When a high ranking player continues to be smoochie with his or her low-ranking significant other, or do nice things for them in the game.